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*I write EVERYTHING on this page. Therefore, I have the copyrights to anything you read.
*Stealing my stuff...just don't do it. I WILL have you blocked and reported to Xanga for plagerism.
*I'm always open to comments and suggestions on my work, but don't be all bitchy about it.
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My Other Sites!
My Personal Xanga LEts_TalK_LoVe
^^that site has EVERYTHING.
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The Poetry!
total poems=27.
~Newer stuff at the bottom.~ If you want something from my site, you can copy and paste it onto your site. But you MUST give me credit. This means put the selection into quotation marks and write my name (Kelli Nixon), or put a link to my site up after the text.
*Some of these are really long. Some are really good. Some are really bad. Some are really mean. Some are really sad. Most of them are all about one guy. Get over it.* Edit:
[3/7/08]
-Its been forever since I've written anything. Things in my life are changing a lot right now though, so expect some new, very deep poetry/lyrics coming soon!
Even If I Will Never Be With You
I was always afraid to tell you
How much I truly cared
I knew that I couldnt have you
Despite the times we've shared
I thought about you constantly
You were always in my head
I just cant accept the fact
That you want her instead
I was always here for you
I listened to every word you said
You treated me really special
I no longer felt so dead
You said we would be friends forever
That someday we could become more
You're just not ready for a relationship
I dont want things to end up like before
I know Im not so special
Im the nice girl who always finishes last
I just dont want to lose you forever
I dont want to become part of your past
I think about your future
Your happiness is what I work for every day
I want to tell you how I feel
Yet I never know what to say
I know you're that one perfect person
Who I never thought I'd find
And now that I've finally found you
There's someone else on your mind
I know you really like her
Im sure she likes you too
Yet Im still so jealous
That I will never have my chance with you
I wish I could explain to you
The words I need to say
Why I cry about you every night
And miss you every day
I have these incredible feelings
I've never felt them before
I really think you're my only one
Although we remain friends and nothing more
I see you as practically perfect
Better than anyone else could be
I know that perfection is impossible
But you seem that way to me
Your hugs always make me smile
Letting go seems to be so tough
Even though I never forget them
Knowing they mean nothing to you is so rough
I cant stop these feelings
You mean more than the world to me
I can be in a room filled with gorgeous guys
But you're the only one I can ever see
I have always wanted someone like you
Someone to be here when I cry
You never did anything to hurt me
You never told me a single lie
I know you don't feel the same way
I understand that Im not so great
I blame myself for ruining my life
I guess I just found you too late
Im sorry if I made your life worse
I don't want you to be unhappy at all
I just want to be more noticed
To know you will catch me if I fall
In the end, Im happy
To hear you say we're friends
You know I will always be here for you
I hope your success never ends
I want you to have the perfect girl
Whether you have to date a lot or just a few
Your happiness is the most important thing to me
Even if that means I will never be with you. Always And Forever
You changed my life forever
A person who was always there
You never made me feel bad
I know you always did care
You have always been here
Through the good times and the bad
I know I acted selfish
But you never acted mad
I expected you to give up on me
I never expected you to stay
I thought you would think Im annoying
Most others feel that way
I can't believe you are still here
Thinking about me every day
I thought you would just call me crazy
I figured you had nothing good to say
I still find myself in amazement
That I have you as my friend
I've never had someone as great as you
The bad things never seemed to end
I love the fact that you're honest
Never afraid to speak whats on your mind
You may have some bad days
But no matter what, you're always kind
I can't believe I found you
You've made all my dreams come true
I have friends that I've known forever
But not one as good as you
You may think Im insecure
You may think Im not too bright
I know Im not such a great person
But at least we never fight
I don't think I've ever found a person
The meant the world to me and so much more
I didn't think I would find that perfect friend
Your exactly who I was looking for
You have never did anything to hurt me
You have been here all along
I didn't think you loved me enough
To stick around this long
Not only are you my best friend
But my inspiration too
You deserve the best in life
More than anyone could possibly give you
My wish to you is happiness
I want you to be exactly who you want to be
Don't let anyone ever stop you
Nobody cares more about your happiness than me
Although I'm scared of what may happen in the future
I know I have to say this now or never
I love you [[his name]]
Always and forever. Life Doesn't Have A Fairy Tale Ending
Every morning I would wake up
Just wishing that my dreams would come true
Hoping that the only thing I wanted would come
Just praying you would love me too
I finally figured out
That I can't live my life like a fairy tale
Even though I may be in love with you
At some point, I have to fail
I said I would always love you
Giving up would never be a choice
But now I realize it's over
Nothing left but the memories of your voice
I still won't find anyone
As perfect to me as you
I know you are who I want
I think you should know that too
I've always stood beside you
Never lied or made you shed a tear
I'm only trying to show I care about you
It's just you forgetting I exist that I fear
I know you will always care about me
Everything you say I choose to believe
I'll do anything just to see you happy
Even if that means I have to leave
You hear me say that I love you
Yet you think it's just in my head
If you would listen you would know
I meant every word that I've said
Even though you've crushed my dreams
I'm still going to be okay
Just tell me that our frienship will last
I'll listen to everything you have to say
This is causing me so much pain
Having to give you up like this
It hurts so much to leave without a chance
Not with anything as much as a kiss
I will always have my memories
Of wishing for you on that shooting star
I close my eyes and think of what we could have been
What we've wanted, who we are
Now I realize there is no beggining
The end to this is impossible
I will always have these feelings
My love for you is unstoppable
Go ahead and call me obsessed
It's you who's in command
All I try to do is be here and care for you
I just wish you would understand
I love you for who you are
Not a fault that I can see
I see you as practically perfect
Now tell me, what's so wrong with me?
I think about this all the time
What do I see about you that I love?
The fact that your so unique in every way
Or that your sent specially from above
Now that this is over
There is one last thing I must do
I have to say that I'm always going to be here,
That I will never love anyone as much as you. The Only Mistake Was You
You see this young girl
She's so confused and lonely
All she wanted was a chance with you
You're her one and only
What's so wrong with her
That you can't even see that she cares
What's so wrong with you
That you can't notice she's always there
She has always stuck beside you
Never hurt you or did anything bad
You didn't even notice
She's the best thing you've ever had
Why can't you just open your eyes
And see that you're her life
Instead of making her cry every night
Making her end the grief with a knife
You acted like you cared about her
She actually thought she wasn't alone
But you didn't know she existed
None of your feelings were ever shown
She was completely honest
Told you everything that was on her mind
But you just never confessed your feelings
You hid them so they were impossible to find
This depressed, lonely girl
Still sits here every night
Wondering where she went wrong
If she had did even one thing right
All she ever dreamed of
Was having someone as special as you
But apparentally she wasn't good enough
You just never loved her too
Now you've lost your chances with her
She's the best thing you ever could have had
She may still want to be with you
But she won't fall again, she's too sad
You had all the time that you needed
You knew exactly how she felt
Now you'll have to win her back
Go ahead, try to make her heart melt
You say you want someone to love
Yet you still won't let her try
She never even got one chance
Now all she wants is to die
Open your eyes and see her
Just loving you for exactly who you are
Isn't that what you wanted
Someone to make you happy and take you far?
Now she's just confused
Thinking she's not good enough
When in reality, she's special
Chasing you was just too tough
Everything she did in her life
Was to find someone as perfect as you
But now she thinks she has failed
As if loving you wasn't the right thing to do
I guess that's the end of her story
Growing up thinking she's not worth it
I guess that's always been the truth
Just crying every night and throwing another fit
Thinking you never loved her
When deep inside, you just needed to listen
Now you're going to have to settle for someone else
You have no idea what you're missin'. In Love With Misery
Why do I miss you so much?
When you don't even care about me
How can I love you so much?
When I'm the girl you can't even see
Why can't I move on from you?
When you tell me we will never be
How come I can't love anyone else?
When I already know you don't love me
Why do I sit around waiting for things to change?
When I already know I can't have you
Why can't I just go on and accept it?
Why do I wait around for you to love me too?
It's never going to happen
I can only have you in my own dreams
But I still just can't go on
The love I feel for you is ripping at the seams
I hate this horrible feeling I have
Knowing I can't ever be with you
I just can't understand why
What did I ever do?
I tried to be a good friend to you
I always tried to show that I cared
At first we seemed so happy
I remember all the amazing times we shared
I just wish this would all end
So I wouldn't be stuck on you forever
But everytime I start fading away from you
I start loving you more than ever
I think about you and me all the time
I can't figure out why you mean so much
Why just talking to you makes me so happy
How my whole life is better with your touch
And what confuses me the most
How our feelings are none the same
I've waited for you to love me for so long
But you just never came
How can we feel so different?
I love you, but you don't even care
You're the guy I've always needed
Being this heartbroken is so unfair
I don't know what to do anymore
To make you change your mind
There's just no convincing you
That it's me you need to find
I can give you everything you want
You've already satisfied me
I know how to make you happy
That's exactly what you need to see
So maybe I'm not perfect
Not being pretty enough isn't a crime
But I am a great person, you see
Just give it some time
I really don't know what else to do
You're all I think about day and night
I'm alone in this world of darkness
And this strong love I have for you is my light
I've been waiting for this for so long
To meet someone as right for me as you
But this wish I make every night is useless
I can't make you love me too
I want this more than anything in the world
You have no idea how hard I've tried
To just try to get you to notice my presence
But you caused all these tears I've cried
So, is it time to just give up,
Or will I ever have my chance?
Should I look for second best,
Or will we ever share a romance?
You need to give me answers
I'm so lost without a clue
On how you feel about me
Are you ever going to love me too? Cheating Myself
Just when I think everything's perfect
When I finally think everything's gonna be alright
I get a depressing phone call
He and his family got in a huge fight
They said I wasn't good enough
They said he could find someone so much better
That I wasn't the really pretty type
And then I remembered the journal; that letter
I realize how much I hear things
And then find out they were never really true
I think about the things I always wished for
But then I never know what to do
I know I'm still a kid
And I have time to plan out my life
So why does it cause so much stress and pain
That I constantly reach for a knife
I see all these people around me
So happy with a smile on their face
It feels like it's a race for success
And I'm the one stuck in last place
I still don't understand how all this happened
How my life changed by meeting one good guy
And even though I know how I feel
I keep telling myself this stupid lie
I fell in love with someone amazing
And then there were mistakes I made
So now I'm left feeling lonely
Out of his life I continue to fade
I keep getting told to move on
That he's not worth the wait
But the truth is I'm still not happy
What I have isn't all that great
Sure I have a boyfriend
I love him and he loves me
But he doesn't have my whole heart
His arms aren't where I want to be
I feel so lousy knowing I feel this way
Almost as if I'm not being fair
But I still can't move on completely
Nobody realizes how much I still care
Lately I've been so confused
Should I tell him how I still feel,
Or should I just give up altogether?
These broken feelings may just never heal
I've never been so attached to one person
I've never felt anything so great
But that doesn't change anything
Getting hurt is still my fate
It's like I need someone to talk to
But the ones who understand are the ones I can't tell
Like suddenly everything got turned around
And my best friends didn't catch me..I fell
I'm losing all the people I care about most
Even though they tend to deny it
But they're not the ones crying over me every night
They don't all get hit
Everyone says get over it
That I'm not the only one
So why does it seem so hard to keep going,
Why can't I ever have fun?
I guess I just don't know how to deal with myself
And I can't control the things I feel
So how do I make things better,
if what I need will never be real?
I keep on thinking things will change
That in the end happiness will come
But then I remind myself that I'm a screw up
And I always say or do something really dumb
So now I'm just looking for answers
One guy has made me extremely confused
And now I've lost everything that mattered
It feels like I've been abused
Lately it's been awkward
Like everthing is starting to change
It seems like we never talk anymore
Our relationship became so strange
He used to be my best friend
The one who listened when I was sad
But now it seems like he doesn't even care
It's like I permanently made him mad
He used to to tell me things would be alright
That he would always be here for me no matter what
But then of course I screwed up
I made wrong assumptions that made me cut
So now I keep reminding myself
That I was the one who went wrong
And none of this would have happened
If I could have just been more strong
I could have just told him the truth
I could have talked about the depression
But instead I became too afraid
I didn't want to make that confession
He already knew I liked him
It's possible he liked me too
But I was too blind to see that
I had become someone nobody truly knew
All my friends began to hate me
They said I cared about him way too much
But I didn't even seem to care
All I could think about was his touch
And eventually I had to tell him
How I really did always feel
But he just said that I made a huge mistake
That we were only friends; that was the deal
And so I had to accept it
I had to act as if I didn't love him anymore
But I still hate hiding these feelings
I don't love him any less than before
Now there's this new guy in my life
He reminds me of my secret a lot
And every time I'm with him I feel guilty
I'm reminded of who I truly love in every single thought
I don't know what to do anymore
I've ruined the chance of my dreams coming true
And now since he knows I'm a born mistake
He will never feel the way that I do
So now I'm just staying alive
Trying to keep going strong
But I'm never going to stop loving him
He knows I loved him all along. These next several are songs;;
Never Loved By You
So help me understand this
Did my words not mean a thing?
Do you not believe the things I tell you?
Is this a silent song I sing?
There's nothing else that matters
Everywhere I go I think I see you
So why is everything going so wrong,
why can't you feel the way I do?
[[chorus]]
You're the one I needed most
Everytime I fall
But you never cared the same
I never got a call
Every night I lay awake
Hoping you are too
But now I know the truth I hide
I was never loved by you Searched so long to find someone
Who gets me like you do
But I never thought it would be this way
I thought you liked me too
I'm not sure where I messed up
Or what I did so wrong
But we still remain friends
And I sing this sad old song [[repeat chorus]] Ohh...can't you see
That all of this is destroying me
Ohh...I can see it though
I love you most don't you know
Ohh...this can't be
I can't stand you not here with me
Ohh ohh..yeah! [[repeat chorus]] The truth I hide...
Oh the truth that I hide..
Never loved, I was never loved...
No, never loved, never loved
By....you. So life took a wrong turn
I can't seem to change back
I can't change the way you feel
I'm too far down the wrong track
I don't know what to say
I can't figure out what to do
You are so many things I need
And I'm afraid of losing you [[repeat chorus]] I'm sitting in this empty room
Singing this same old song
Wondering why you feel so different
Wanting to know why things went wrong... Nothing
When all these walls come crashing down
You seemed to be the only one around
But now that things are going my way
I can't seem to find the words to say
You tell me all these things that are wrong
Yet I still love you being the subject in every song
It seems like you don't even care
But maybe I just don't want to share [[Chorus]]
You were everything that I ever wanted
But I don't think I even matter anymore
I'm starting to feel like giving up
You wouldn't even notice that I walk out the door
Nothing you say
And nothing you do
Makes me think
You want me too
Simply nothing I see your smile and it makes me fall
That sweet voice I hear in every call
I can't figure out why I love you so much
Why I become so happy when I feel your touch
I don't know how you drive me so crazy
But I'm getting confused and this vision is hazy [[Repeat chorus]] Everything amazing that I see in you
Tell me can you see it too?
Does everyone else compare with me
Or am I the only relationship you see?
Tell me will these feelings die
Tell me why you're the perfect guy
Just admit to me what you're feeling
Can't take any more thinking and talking to the ceiling [[Repeat chorus x2 & fade]] It's Time
What happens when I have a breakdown,
And there's nobody around who cares?
What do I do when I feel all lonely,
And the world is grouped off in pairs?
What if the person who stops all my tears,
Is the one who made me cry?
And who am I supposed to go to,
When it's one of those times I want to die? [[Bridge:]]
It's just another one of those mornings
When I wake up and my pillow's soaking wet
I was probably just dreaming about him again
And all the memories since we've met.. [[Chorus:]]
And with the thought of his kiss, I quiver
A love so strong and true
And I would never have this feeling
If it weren't for finding you
And if I die tomorrow
I just think you should know
You've always been my best friend
And it's time I let my feelings show Who would have known how easy it was
To find an everlasting soul mate
And to have him actually understand me
It can't be just luck, it was fate.
I have many imperfections that he knows
And not one has turned him away
That spells out perfection in my mind
For him to like me enough to stay [[Bridge:]]
And just when I thought my world was ending
You show up and prove me to be wrong
And now you're the most amazing person I know
It was you I needed all along [[Repeat Chorus]] How can you honestly tell me,
You're not amazing in every single way?
Nothing could convince me I'm wrong
I'm falling in love more by every word you say
Just tell me that you're not the perfect guy
Go ahead and lie straight to my face
It's like a race to win this girl's heart
And you've already won first place [[Bridge:]]
I'm laying out under the stars tonight
And giving each star a reason for why I love you
But I ran out of stars within minutes
And realized that what I feel is forever true.. [[Repeat Chorus]] So are you always going to be here,
Or is knowing I still love you making you go away?
Just know that you'll always have me forever,
And you're simply amazing in every way. Goodbye
Normally I'm not one to deny second chances
I believe that people really can change
But you took advantage of me
It's time to move on and disengage
Please just forget my name
Forget that we ever met
I'll just pretend you never hurt me
It won't be something I regret [[Chorus:]]
'Cause everytime I depend on you
You always let me down
And you broke every promise you made to me
In my tears you let me drown
And now you tell me you were messing around
Telling me that what we had was all a lie
Well with me, it doesn't work that way
You broke me heart, now say goodbye
Yeah..just say goodbye You know I really loved you
I gave you every piece of my heart
And just because you didn't get caught,
That doesn't make you smart
I want to know why you kept me,
If I wasn't giving you what you need?
But I promise you, this made me stronger
Now I'm taking the lead [[Repeat Chorus]] Everytime I confide in someone
It gets thrown right back in my face
But I know it won't happen again with you
You've been completely erased
So stop feeding me all these lies
I don't want to hear it anymore
Don't speak to me ever again
Don't ever come knocking on my door [[Repeat Chorus]] I'm done trying
Here is where I say goodbye
Without you, I won't die
And this isn't a lie
Yeah..you know why
Just say goodbye. Let Me Go
Tell me why you held on for so...long
Why'd you tell me you loved me when it was...wrong?
You said you'd never make me...cry
Well I guess that was just another...lie
You used me but you can't say...why
So now I'm forced to say...goodbye [Chorus;;]
So let go of my heart
We can't hold on for any longer
It's just too much...pain
I can't...explain
So please, heartbreaker...
Just let me...go. You thought it was okay to play this...game
Then make me take all the...blame
When you're with her can you remember my...name?
Well I guess nothing will ever be the...same
I thought trusting you was something I could...try
But I was wrong so say...goodbye [repeat chorus] Woah-oh, how did we end up this way?
Woah-oh, maybe this will heal someday
Woah-oh, I've just gotta get away
Woah-oh, there's nothing left for you to say [repeat chorus] Let me go-woah-oh
Just let me go
Please, heartbreaker...
Let this go-woah-oh
Please let me go.
Hero
All I ever did was look up to you
Your talents were always on my mind
I never tried to make you mad
I tried to be so kind
You called me profane names
Every night you made me cry
I felt so bad for what I ever said
I never meant to lie
I know you think Im crazy
A partial stalker too
I swear I didnt mean for this to happen
All I wanted was to be just like you
Your such a special person
More talented than anyone I've met before
I understand why you hate me
But I hate myself even more
My one dream was to have you in my life
To share your future glory and fame
These last few moments together
And I must look away from you in shame
Im so sorry for everything I did
The drama never should have came
Im the one who messed things up
Im the one to blame
If I could change one thing
This is exactly what I would do
I would change the way I acted
I'd make sure I was more like you
You seem so strong about things
As if you never shed a tear
I want to be like that
Not let anyone see my fear
I guess Im all alone now
We will never become friends
I will never live my dream
I will regret this until my life ends
I just wish you would realize
How sorry I will always be
How much I hate myself for doing this
Just how much you mean to me
I dont try to scare you with my thoughts
I like you as an idol and nothing more
Your the kind of person I always wanted to be like
What every day I pray for
In time I hope you forgive me
I hope you can just hear these words I say
Losing you will ruin my life forever
Then I'll have to pay
I know I dont mean a thing to you
You could care less if I died
But you mean the world to me
I cant believe I lied
I never told you this before
I didnt think you would care
Now I know I've messed things up
How you treat me now is fair
I have a promise to you
I swear to never lie
I swear to make things better
Your effect on me can't die
Having my dreams crushed hurts
It makes me feel so lonely
I dont look up to anyone else
Your my idol, the one and only
I need you to promise me
You will not change ever
I want you to know just one thing
You will be my hero forever.
Done Waiting
I tell you I love you
I show that I care
But you treat me like dirt
Is our relationship fair?
I'm there when you need me
I hate it when you cry
I tried so hard to make you happy
For you, I would die
How can I love you,
When you're always pushing me away?
What do I have to do,
I don't know what else I can say?
You always change your feelings
I don't know what to believe
Am I gonna get hurt?
I'm not someone you can decieve
So make up your mind, boy
Take me now or never
'Cause this girl can find someone else
She can't wait around forever.
I Keep Asking Myself...
Is it wrong that I still love him?
Is it wrong that I never want to let him go?
Is it wrong that I love him with all my heart?
Is it wrong that I let my feelings show?
Was I wrong to tell him I love him?
Was I wrong to say he's the one?
Was I wrong to think he actually liked me?
Was I wrong to think we always had fun?
Did I not give him enough compliments?
Did I not give him hugs that made him smile?
Did I not give him things to laugh about?
Did I not give him my time every once in a while?
Is it my fault that we argued a little?
Is it my fault that we cried?
Is it my fault that things changed?
Is it my fault that my chances with him died?
Did he never think I was sorry?
Did he never think I meant the words I said?
Did he never think about the ways he hurt me?
Did he never think that one day I'll be dead?
Hasn't he ever wondered what would happen?
Hasn't he ever wondered if we could last?
Hasn't he ever wondered if we could be meant to be?
Hasn't he ever wondered why we grew apart so fast?
Does he ever have late night dreams about me?
Does he ever truly care about how I feel?
Does he ever really want to see me?
Does he ever think that what we have is real?
How can he say I don't love him?
How can he see things other people can't see?
How can he not have this feeling by now?
How can he know we're not meant to be? Would You?
If you knew she was going through a rough time,
Would you be the first to see what's wrong?
And if you knew you could make her day brighter,
Would you stick around no matter how long?
If you knew you meant the world to her,
Would you have more feelings to show?
And if you could stop her tears by holding her,
Would you never let her go?
If you knew she was sorry for a mistake she made,
Would you forgive her and put it in the past?
And if you decided to keep her heart,
Would you promise not to break it so fast?
If she kissed you and said she loved you,
Would you kiss her back and say I love you too?
And if you wanted her to be happy,
Would it be okay that she'll never love anyone more than you? I Miss You.
You remember when we first met and talked for hours about stupid stuff?
I miss that.
You remember when we were so excited to see each other?
I miss that.
You remember when we went on our trips and couldn't stop talking about each other?
I miss that.
You remember when we were each other's #1 on myspace?
I miss that.
You remember when we would stay up until like 1 every morning on school nights texting each other?
I miss that.
You remember when we would sing cute love songs back and forth to each other over the comptuer?
I miss that.
You remember when we would get on myspace and get a random comment from each other just saying something sweet?
I miss that.
You remember when we would always tell each other that we really care about each other and we always would?
I miss that.
You remember when we always said we missed each other a lot?
I miss that.
You remember when we always wanted to hug each other?
I miss that.
You remember when we said we were each other's best friend?
I miss that.
You remember when we would make random signs for each other and then smile like crazy when we saw them?
I miss that.
You remember when we would take pictures at 2:30 in the morning and post them on myspace for each other?
I miss that.
You remember when we both always knew when we reached another month of knowing each other?
I miss that.
You remember when we would text each other and you would tell me something sweet and I'd get all excited?
I miss that.
You remember when you told me that you were starting to like me and I was the happiest ever in my life?
I miss that.
You remember when it seemed like you actually cared about me?
I miss that.
A lot. Because Of You
The way he smiles
It makes me wonder
They way he laughs
Makes my heart beat like thunder
The way he hugs me
How it gives me warmth
But his signals confuse me
I'm pacing back and forth
One day it's perfect, the next it's a mess
But the love I still have for him
I strongly need to confess
There must be something missing
A reason why things are this way
But we both live on ignoring the fact
That we get closer every day
He knows that I love him
And I know why he doesn't feel the same
But I never got another chance
I get stuck playing this chasing game
Sure, I'm the one who messed up
The one to blame for this is me
But doesn't it matter I apologized?
Don't you know that we're meant to be?
Why does everything have to end up this way?
Why is love like an impossible life long test?
Nobody ever ends up with the one they love
I don't want to settle for second best!
One more year and he's leaving me
Off to college, then soon to be gone
But will I survive without him here?
Will my heart ever truly move on?
I really hate to think about these things
Knowing that I always end up sad
But I don't know how to stop it
I end up hurting myself and mad
I really wish I could go back in time
Back to that one sad night in May
I wish I wouldn't have said those things
I just didn't know what else to say
I guess I was just being selfish
All I wanted was for you to love me
But my mistake, you already did
It was something I was too blind to see
Until this day I regret that
Which is something I normally wouldn't do
But look where we ended up now
I may have actually been with you
You say that you're completely over it
That I'm one of your best friends now for life
But it hurts that that's all we'll ever be
All because I used a stupid knife
You know that I'll always be sorry
You can hear it in every poem and song
And you know that I'm here missing you
The truth is that I loved you all along
But now I'm getting mixed signals
I'm starting to have mixed feelings too
Just when my life got back to normal
Everything changed because of you
My family is still dysfunctional
Some of my friends still hate me
And my doctor still thinks I'm depressed
All because you wouldn't date me
And now you're making me confused
Listening to "our songs" which make me cry
But now you say they make you cry too
And you can't seem to tell me why
I want to know why you changed again
The nice guy who loved me came back
But I don't know how to react about it
Intellect must be something I lack
Suddenly you care again
We talk for hours every night
But when I give a hint that I still love you,
You act like it's not alright
I don't know what to think anymore
You grew so close to me, like a brother
So maybe I should just accept what I do have
Maybe it's time to love another. Just Let The Past Die
I don't think you understand yet
I'm not sure that you have a clue
All this crying has made me give up
I'm ready to find someone new
I gave you the best of me
But it's just not good enough
You just left me without a chance
And now I'm all messed up
It doesn't make much sense anymore
How the best could make me the worst
All I did was apologize
While you only screamed and cursed
Now that I really think about it
There's something else I didn't see
You were the mean one all the time
So why was everything blamed on me?
I realize that I made mistakes
But you know you made some too
So why can't you just forgive me
Like I've always forgiven you?
I think that if I could've got one chance
To show you what we could be
You would realize the connection we have
I think deep down you can love me
But I can't change your mind
And I can't change the past
So I'll give up on what we could have been
Because I know what we have won't last. 10 Things I Hate About You
1. I hate the way you yell at me when all I do is try.
2. I hate the way I think you're perfect even though sometimes you want to die.
3. I hate how you think loving you is so wrong, when I tried so hard to make things right.
4. I hate the way I stay up and cry about never having you each and every night.
5. I hate how you can never forgive me when I forgave you all along.
6. I hate being reminded of you every time I listen to a song.
7. I hate how I see you as perfect, when your life is such a mess.
8. I hate the way we always forget we give each other happiness.
9. I hate knowing that we can barely talk anymore, without ending in a stupid fight.
10. I hate thinking that this may be the end of our friendship, and we may never get things right. I Want
I want to stop the craziness.
I want to stop hearing your name.
I want to stop you from breaking my heart.
I want to stop this game.
I want you to just forget me.
I want you to just leave.
I want you to stop caring so much.
I want you to not be what I need.
I want to move on and be happy.
I want to not have to lie.
Damnit, I'll just tell you now..
I want to stop wanting to die. All I Ever Wanted
I wanted him to talk to me.
I wanted him to care.
I wanted him to call me.
I just wanted him to be there.
I wanted for him to hug me.
I wanted him to say everything will be alright.
I wanted him to cry with me.
I wanted him to stay up with me all night.
I wanted him to fall in love.
I wanted him to just see.
I wanted everything to be perfect.
I wanted him to be happy with me. Slowly Dying Girl
She was discriminated by her family.
Always lived in fear.
Her daddy said he hated her.
But she never let them see a tear.
She was never included.
Her parents were never proud.
Her voice was never important.
Her dreams were not aloud.
There was always something wrong with her.
Not smart enough, never did anything right.
But she never had any help.
So she cried herself to sleep each night.
No friends to understand her.
Nobody seemed to care.
She truly believed she was worthless.
She thought what she got was fair.
A home which never welcomed her.
A school which called her bad.
A family who said she was a mistake.
A life which kept her sad.
As years began to pass her by,
She still felt her life was incomplete.
But then a boy began to like her.
Someone so kind to her and sweet.
She never knew what was happening.
Nobody would ever think about her every night.
Someone who loved her for the person she was?
It just couldn't have been right.
She met the boy and fell in love.
But little did he know,
She planned to take her life before him,
But she never let it show.
Until this day she's never told him,
Just how much he changed her life.
About how she wouldn't be here without him,
If it weren't for his love holding back her knife.
But now this girl has lost her life again,
Because her past made her do something wrong.
And all she can say to him is sorry.
She had no clue that he had cared for her all along.
She would do anything to change it.
Anything to just have his love back.
Because now all she does is cry again.
Her fear has came back to attack.
Christmas time is coming soon.
The one time of year she hates most.
And she knows he's not going to be there with her.
She believes they will never again be close.
She will say sorry as many times as he will listen.
She will rip out her heart for him to just see,
That the never good enough girl screwed up again,
And this slowly dying girl is me. Another Way
I just want things to go back to the way they used to be
Because now, nothing is the same.
I'm running around lonely and empty.
There's no one I can blame.
Forgive me please, for I make mistakes,
But I never wanted to make things this way.
For now I have ruined everything that mattered,
And there's not much left for me to say.
I try to show you that I'm still so sorry.
Really, I swear, I do.
And there's nothing that helps to heal this pain.
I just can't ever seem to be good enough for you.
I have dreams too, you know.
Things so far off in the clouds you can't see.
But because of us, I'm only falling.
You know you were never there for me.
I explained it once and screamed it twice,
Hoping that maybe you'd just hear.
But you still just don't seem to get it.
When I'm crying, I need you near.
I need that comfort you promised me.
Remember when you said you'd always be here?
Well I'm right here waiting for you,
Feeling more betrayed by each falling tear.
I'm growing up and I'm getting hurt,
But you just don't even seem to care.
For once, I wish you'd just pay attention,
And see your "help" is getting me nowhere.
I need you here, I need a hug.
I need to feel that I really do belong.
All I want is to see that you care,
But it's never been that way all along.
Listen to the things I write.
A cry for help in every line.
But you've just watched me fall apart,
Telling me everything will be fine.
Well here's some news, my friend.
Fine will never explain my day.
I'm going to find another life.
Another friend, another way. I Hate
I hate how you are to me.
I hate how you always care.
I hate how you're always nice to me.
I hate how you're always there.
I hate hearing great advice from you.
I hate hearing that we'll always be friends.
I hate hearing that I mean so much to you.
I hate hearing you hope our friendship never ends.
I hate knowing that I made your life better.
I hate knowing I can be myself around you.
I hate knowing that you've got my back.
I hate knowing that you've always cared about me too.
I hate feeling like we'll be friends forever.
I hate feeling safe from all the lies.
I hate feeling like you'll never be replaced.
I hate feeling as though our friendship never dies.
I hate how you changed my life so much.
I hate how it made me better, this I know.
I hate how I fell in love with my best friend.
I hate how now I could ever let you go. It Gets Hard
you know, it gets hard sometimes
knowing things will never be the same
but you can't walk away from your life
you just have to go on and keep believing
you have to believe things will work out
and that the past was just a learning experience
and you have to know that it's over
it can never be changed, no matter what
and even though you keep dwelling on it
and you keep saying it's all your fault
that doesn't make it better
you're only making yourself feel worse
feeling sorry for yourself doesn't change it
and just when you're happy again
something has to happen to ruin it
like your best friend gets a new boyfriend
and you become so jealous
and you think she's so lucky
and when they break up, you feel bad for her
because you know how she feels
and then they get back together again
and suddenly everything's okay for her again
you become depressed again
you cry because you think it isn't fair
that some people do get second chances
but that's not always the case
sometimes your heart just has to be broken
and you just have to go through all the pain
you have to know how it feels
and you realize nothing can be perfect
but in the end, it should all be worth it
you won't know until it happens
and nobody can make it better
it's something you have to do yourself
you have to make yourself believe it
that everything will eventually be okay
and you have to remember what you have
remember why you made it this far
even if that person did break your heart
you know there were people there for you
and even though they "told you so"
they're still there, they always will be
just as you were for them
so forget the past, forget all the bad things
just remember what you do have
the people who do love you
they make up for the jerk who didn't. Never There
So would you really miss me;
If I were to take my life tonight?
Could you honestly say you loved me;
When you know we always fight?
Did you ever think about me late at night;
Wondering if I'm okay?
Have you ever found it hard to talk to me;
Because you didn't have the right words to say?
If I were to go away right now;
Would you even come out and look for me?
Did you think I was lying when I said I loved you;
Or was it just not easy enough to see?
I know I can show I've cared for you;
But can you say the same for me?
I've always wanted that chance to show you;
But you said we weren't meant to be.
So I'll ask you once again;
Can you prove to me that you care?
Because I don't feel anything;
Except a friend who was never there. Makes Me Better
[verse 1]
Memories come alive
As I lay here in my bed
Thinking how it used to be
Apologies running through my head
I know you remember the good times
Those talks we had every night
Admit I still make you smile
Tell me everything will be alright [bridge 1]
I cry these tears endlessly
They can't ever seem to dry
A fear of what could have been
A heartache that won't die [chorus]
So please don't say no
Give me another chance
I know this is right
Give this all another glance
I've let you down
And I'll live with that forever
But you know I'm sorry
You're the only one that makes me better [verse 2]
I can see the way you feel
When you look into my eyes
We never let this feeling go
We never stuck with goodbyes
There's a reason we're still holding on
An explanation for why it feels right
You won't tell me you don't feel it
Hold me close for just tonight [bridge 2]
I cry these tears endlessly
For all the things we never tried
A question of what we still are
This connection never died [repeat chorus] Makes me better...
Better than who I was before [break/musical interlude] And when I'm down
You pick me up
You give me everything
And that's enough
I love you now
I'll love you always
Spill your heart out to me tonight [bridge 3]
And I still cry these tears forever
Drowning in the memories that never end
How could I live without you?
You're everything more than my best friend [repeat chorus] Yeah, you make me better
Please don't say no
Don't give up
I can't be the only one to know
You're the only one who makes me better
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